I must first start by saying that I have written many drafts of this article, and I never have found the courage to post any of them for the public. I don't know why that was..perhaps I didn't want pity from strangers because I get enough pity from the people I know. Or perhaps I never found the right words to say because this is difficult for me. Or another reason could have been because on the Internet, I do not have to show my imperfections...I can be as beautiful and heathy as I want to be, and writing this WILL show my imperfections. There are a lot more reasons for the procrastination of this article, but I will not go into all of them. The most important thing is I have finally found the courage to share this, and here is how....

One day, I looked at myself in the mirror and found strength in the image staring back at me. That day marked a very important day for me because I realized even though I have a disfiguring condition, that doesn't make me any less beautiful then the women in the magazines, or the media. And even though I live with a lot of pain everyday, I'm not ready to give up on my life, and I want to stop feeling sorry for myself. Then I said out loud," I AM beautiful, I AM worth something, and I'm not ready to give up on my wonderful life!!!"

"Scoliosis is a curvature of the spine that has many different forms, is very mysterious, and mostly affects females. 80% of all scoliosis cases has no known cause. Some cases of scoliosis never progress, some do. We'll just watch and see how her scoliosis does." (My spine was only curved about 28 degrees at that time, which was not reason to "freak out" yet.)

Ok...now I'm fast-forwarding past the pain of the surgery and the healing process to avoid yawns from whomever is reading this, because it's obvious that I'm ok, or I wouldn't be writing this. Let's just say it was a difficult process. So on to a more interesting subject matter.

After the surgery, life was pretty normal for me. I was healing very nicely. I was home schooling (because of the surgery), I was learning to draw, I was into Nintendo (don't laugh...I know Nintendo is old, so I'm showing my wrinkles here. ~lol~), life was just plain good!! The surgery made me about 1 1/2 inches taller, and I couldn't have been happier. My family and I thought scoliosis wasn't as bad as it sounded because for the first 6 months, I was doing great!

But on the bright side I had many childhood friends, and a very supportive family. I became very intelligent since I didn't have to focus on cheerleader try-outs and such. I was an honor roll student, and loved to learn. All-in all, the childhood years were pretty good.

But, after the birth, my spine became so much worse, as did the pain. I had trouble standing up for longer then an hour at a time, I could not work or do normal things. Since I was having so much trouble, I went to see the "nameless" doctor again. He x-rayed my spine, and it showed that the metal rods in my back became bowed, as if they were not holding anymore. So, I was thrown on the operating table once more, to remove to rods. But, to no avail, the rod removal did not help the pain and I continue to live with it. My spine is now at a whopping 75 degree curve, and there is no hope for improvement.

To this day, I still cannot do physical work, but I do not let that stop me because I own my own web design business, and work from the comfort of my home. I have a very strong faith in Wicca, and the Old Ones help me "climb mountains" everyday. I have a loving husband that has shown me what true beauty is, and I wonderful daughter that I adore. And even though I am very limited in the physical world, I love my life and would NOT trade a minute of it!